Choose (your) life

People can change, they just need to want to…

As these are meant to be about change in some way or other, I would like to first speak of making a choice. As I have mentioned in a past post, some changes can come about organically. Yet I understand this is still a choice; one must be open to that change, whether it is of an emotional, mental, physical or spiritual nature. I am grateful every day to now be in a place that, though I’m still human and in no way perfect, I am living in a state of fluidity. I allow myself those moments of stubborn resistance when they spring up, but I am self-aware and push myself to resist the urge to dwell in those moments. After all, familiarity is comfortable and easy, no matter how negative it may be. But I choose to live my life now, and no longer to make others happy, or keep the peace, or because it’s what I ‘should’ be doing. That means that the fluid nature of the way I feel now opens up a lot more options to change and for me to embrace them with open arms.

I was a carefully chosen recipient of an email this morning. Continue reading “Choose (your) life”

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It takes a village

Today was Mother’s Day. I guess at 9:40 pm I should say that today IS Mother’s Day. Either way, it is an event I have not really had to deal with for 14 years now, yet it always deals with me. Surely by now, I would be OK; it’s not her birthday, or anniversary, or even Christmas. I guess in ways I am, but it seems to always creep up and catch me by surprise. It’s so regular though, I wonder why the surprise still occurs. Still, I have spent the day trying to read for assignments, trawling social media and walking around my new favourite suburb, all the while wondering why I was so restless. Until a dear friend relayed the love, thoughts and encouragement of her parents, who I hold so dear. It’s then that it really hit me, and the lid slid on the big gaping hole in my life. But I want to make it clear that it is not the grief or the feeling of loss that defines me, it is more about the ability to acknowledge that loss and still exist.  Continue reading “It takes a village”

City vs Country

It strikes me as odd that a girl from the country can be so comfortable in the city. I mean, anyone who thinks Canberra as a ‘city’ is deluded, because it’s really just a large country town. But that’s not what I mean about being a country girl.

I was born in a small town on the Murray River, where the river red gums stand tall and proud and the Murray cod are only good for fertiliser or yabby bait. Continue reading “City vs Country”

You can’t pick ’em

What’s that old saying; ‘You can’t pick your family’?

I guess, technically, that’s true. Although there are one or two people that I am happy to deselect from my family, along with some very special friends who I have chosen to be a part of it. And you know what, there are so many I have been born with that I would choose all over again if I had the choice. Continue reading “You can’t pick ’em”

Blood Gremlins

Not a vampire, they don’t multiply in water, but they ARE scary: Leukemic cells that make you bruise easily, lethargic, pale and are overall crap (technical term). My blood had turned into a warehouse in which to manufacture and change my red blood cells. I was 11, ate healthily, generally fit for my age, smart, well-read, creative and friendly. We had been living in the little town of Bungendore, which is 40 minutes out of Canberra, for almost two years when I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia (ALL). Boy did I learn fast about change! Continue reading “Blood Gremlins”

Never grow up?

I am not a religious person, I do not believe in god. I also don’t write that word with a capital ‘g’ because by turning the word into a name I would put stock in something I don’t believe in. That doesn’t mean I begrudge the beliefs of others, on the contrary; I respect their beliefs as I would expect they would mine. However, as a red-blooded Australian woman I worship at the church of AFL. Seriously though, and more importantly, what I do believe in is Panism. Continue reading “Never grow up?”